what happens to me at the gym

mental process of *attempting* to work out
  1. walk in, semi mentally prepared for a workout
  2. get on the elliptical, and set the timer for 20 minutes
    trying to convince myself I can run on a really high resistance for that long
  3. get some netflix/music going
    I'll need a distraction... The next 20 minutes will be torture.
  4. i start running, slowly realizing the horrible decision I have made
  5. i look down at the timer hoping i'm at least half way done
    Nope. Only 1 minute and 25 seconds has passed. MURDER ME.
  6. after a gut-wrenching 8 minutes, i finally give in and accept i'm a failure
    i am just not made for cardio, okay workout gods???
  7. i move on to some equipment i have no idea how to use
    but... like that super in shape girl was using it just a second ago so it MUST be a good machine.
  8. fail again.
    apparently you need upper body strength to like... lift.
  9. "stretch"
    which means i change position every 5 minutes so i can watch my netflix without people judging me.
  10. accept the fact that i am just not cut out for this
    but then still stay for a while because i don't want to be THAT person who leaves 30 minutes after getting there
  11. hit the vending machine on the way out for a snickers
    i earned it! i mean i went to the gym right. you aren't you when you're hungry