WAYS TO ALMOST DIE DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON

Here are things we do each year that bring us close to the great divide.
  1. Scaling the roof to hang lights.
  2. Driving within 300 yards of a mall between Thanksgiving and Christmas Day.
  3. Getting in the front of the line before a store opens on Black Friday.
  4. Cutting down trees with a saw as a family.
  5. Attaching trees to the roof of your vehicle and driving down the interstate.
  6. Following behind someone with a tree attached to their roof on the interstate.
  7. Lighting fires with giant socks hanging from your fireplace.
  8. Festively weaving electrical current through a tree...in our house.
  9. Leaving said fire hazard on while we sleep.
  10. Giving kids large amounts of sugar from October 30th-January 1st.