WHY THE DAILY MARK IS THE BEST

  1. He once followed the scenic route signs all the way along the coast because he thought they would lead him to Dugongs
  2. It takes him around 60 seconds of twitching to get to sleep, right on the dot of 10pm every night, before becoming so still and quiet I feel like I should check his pulse.
  3. He solemnly believed I could make a whole dinner with nothing but smoked salmon and asparagus stalks
  4. He wrote me a series of coffee stained, burnt edge letters from himself in the past
  5. He proudly bought me the basil I requested that was quite clearly marked and actually was parsley
  6. He has full conversations with himself as one of his characters whilst getting ready for work in the morning (there's a Thai woman, an Indian family man, Blue the Farmer, a Bolivian drug dealer, a Maori... etc)
  7. He leaves trinkets or "Mark piles" all around the house consisting of things like bottle tops, contact lens packets, sunglasses, iPhone chargers, ear phones, an abundance of change, random single keys etc
  8. No matter what I do, he silently refuses to follow his clothing system and insists on returning his wardrobe and drawers into a chaotic mismatch of "shit everywhere" as soon as his clean clothes hit the shelves
  9. He will effortlessly and earnestly tell me about a social engagement he's arranged in Brisbane on the weekend literally five minutes after we've discussed and confirmed our weekend away on the Gold Coast
  10. He brings me coffee in bed every morning and offers to iron my clothes for work
  11. His running shoes must be placed in a certain position, facing a certain direction when not on his feet between runs
  12. He has an acute sense of smell, and therefore has a catalogue of colognes and can tell most men and women what they are wearing. He has famously selected beautiful perfumes for me that "match the natural scent of my skin."
  13. He is as obsessed with Matilda as I am, has always agreed that she sleep between us and also speaks to her as if she is human... and he unashamedly has his own dog voice for her.
  14. As long as the car is clean and Matilda has been for walks, he can relax on the weekend
  15. He allows me to sleep with my smelly sausage dog shaped carpet pillow