Thanks @stars for helping me cope publicly with my actions.
  1. I want to start by saying I'm not proud of who I have become.
    Relient K is my proxy when I say, "I'm sorry for the person I became... Who I am hates who I've been."
  2. This starts like all good coming of age stories -- a period of LIMINALITY.
    For those of you playing at home that didn't major in cultural anthropology like me, liminality is a period in between two poles of one's life. Britney Spears said it best when she claimed she was "not a girl, not yet a woman," in the seminal classic, "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman."
  3. For me, this phase in my life came between college and the real world.
    It should be noted that I have not yet found a job, so we are still floating around in this mess.
  4. As many liberal arts students do around senior year, I started to worry about who I was, what I wanted, and how to see these goals come to fruition.
  5. I also need to mention that I am a person who strives to have as much control on life as possible.
    This is probably what is to blame for my severe procrastination and my stress-induced trichotillomania, but that's a discussion for another list.
  6. As graduation swiftly approached, my killer GPA and dopey charm was suddenly not enough to control the required tasks of my life.
    Cue the India.Arie:
  7. So, after hearing a few jokes about how strange and funny I would look with a new hairstyle, I decided: this was how I could take control and change myself.
    Now, this change does not benefit me in any way financially, socially, spiritually, etc. In retrospect, where were these friends that joked when I committed and became a martyr to the cause?
  8. During my last semester of college, I shaved the sides of my head but refused to cut any hair off the top of my head. I would return monthly to a salon for touch ups.
    No way I would do the cutting myself. I like control but I love aesthetic symmetry much more.
  9. After a few months of this, I reached a length that could tie my hair back. I have worn my hair in a man bun almost every day since.
    I would wear it down more, but my not-curly-enough-to-be-a-Jewfro hair is too thick to lie in a pleasant way without an amalgam of products.
  10. This became a part of who I was. I was being identified by my hair now in ways I hadn't since my typical buzz cuts of elementary school.
    Again, where were my parents and friends to help me out here??
  11. So here we are. Hair growing by the day and no plans for my future.
  12. If this were a coming-of-age movie, we would probably be near the climax and you would find me in my bathtub with clippers in hand, ready to cut when someone near and dear comes to me with urgent news.
  13. But this is not a movie. Now I just sing "I Am Not My Hair" a lot to cope with the choices I've made over the past year and the stress of daily life.
    If you didn't click it the first time, here it is again:
  14. FAQ TIME:
  15. What are the next steps? Do I keep this thing going because I've spent so much time on this and worked so hard (lol)? Do I cut it all off (like I threaten to every other day)?
    I don't know. And to be honest, any suggestions made will probably go ignored anyway because I am nothing if not stubborn.
  16. How have I grown from this experience?
    I have become more confident in making bold choices in my appearance, hair and otherwise. I have learned that hair doesn't really matter at all in the swing of things. I have NOT yet grasped that I do not need to control everything or how to stop stressing about things both in and out of my control.
  17. Would I recommend it for your or your loved ones?
    Probably not, but I never want to stand in the way of your dreams. Some people really can put it off, and some people look like me.
  18. And I promise, when the bun goes, the List App community will be the first to know.