Or, A True Story Happening Right Now
  1. I hate going to movies alone.
  2. That's not true. It can be fun!!
  3. Maybe fun isn't the right word.
  4. Cathartic?
  5. Relaxing?
  6. Got to get there right on time, though, to avoid anything awkward.
  7. Why did I get here five minutes early?
  8. Oh, for the previews. Man, do I love previews!
  9. Does the guy who sold me my ticket think any less of me for going to this movie alone?
  10. Maybe he thinks I'm meeting someone here?
  11. Why do I care so much?
    This is rhetorical.
  12. What does it look like if I come to a movie alone and get a tub of popcorn?
  13. What does it look like if I come to a movie alone and don't get any food?
  14. Ok. Now I'm at the theatre. Where do I sit?
  15. Uhh.
  16. Ahh.
  17. Um.
  18. No one is sitting on the sides, is that weird if I do?
  19. If I want a good seat should I sit in the middle of the crowd?
  20. I'd rather just sit in the back.
  21. Do people think I'm a perv?
  22. Do people think I'm a terrorist?
  23. It definitely helps the latter that I'm white.
    Edit: I have two Middle Eastern parents.
  24. Ugh, race in America is so fucked.
  25. Is this movie ever going to start?
  26. I miss when they showed trivia before the movie. That was fun!
  27. Actually, was it fun? I don't even remember.
  28. Is anything fun? Does anything mean anything?
  29. Anyway...
  30. Would I feel less weird at any other point in the day?
  31. Morning might be better.
  32. Wait. Morning would definitely be worse with all the old folks and housewives and children.
  33. But let's not forget the best reason to go to movies alone: crying without judgment.
  34. So many tears are about to fall. Hell yeah.
  35. 🎵 Leeeeeeet's get it started... in heeeeeeeeere! 🎵
  36. 🎬🎬🎬
  37. 😭😭😭