Thoughts While Applying for Jobs

From a recent graduate with no clue what he wants out of life.
  1. Gotta make some money... Guess it's time for a job!
    "Why can't my parents bankroll me forever?" is a thought that crosses my mind regularly.
  2. How do I even search for jobs?
    Craigslist is appropriate in this situation, yeah?
  3. Let me check the websites for my favorite companies and institutions.
    There has to be some mutual love for a naive twenty-something trying to make it in the world!
  4. Oh, wait... I don't have any of the necessary experience for these positions?
    Did college fail me entirely? That's for you to decide. But also, yes.
  5. OK. Let's try googling "cool jobs" for some ideas.
    This also includes googling "personality tests" to see what kinds of jobs will fit best (even though they are never jobs I would do).
  6. It can't hurt to apply for some retail jobs; I HAVE to be qualified for those.
    You will find out in a month that you still can't get a retail job, and the stores will not give you any explanation as to why.
  7. Finally found a job that looks tolerable and for which I am semi-qualified. I should totally curate my resume for this!
    I'm not curating my resume for this, who am I kidding?
  8. What's worse than editing a resume? Editing a cover letter!
    If Hell isn't lined with the cover letters written that didn't get people hired, I will truly be shocked.
  9. Cut to the two to eight weeks of waiting for any form of response from your potential new places of employment.
    Every new email received is a mini heart attack.
  10. If they even bothered to respond at all (which is unlikely), I'm sure to hear that I was not chosen.
    "Please apply again/to another position/etc." is adding insult to injury.
  11. Feeling like a failure... Let's drown my sorrows in literally anything that costs money and can make me feel better!
    Food, music, movies, clothes... Anything goes when treating yourself!
  12. Gotta make some money... Guess it's time for a job!
    The cycle begins again.