MEANEST SHIT IVE DONE

I'm self actualized enough to admit this to the world now...
  1. In 5th grade, a girl made fun of my ears so I told her I'd call immigration on her entire family.
  2. My mom made me really mad once so I poured all her booze down the sink.
  3. I put on my Dementor Halloween costume, hid in my 7 year old sister's closet, and waited for her to go to bed before jumping out.
  4. In middle school I asked a girl from another school to be in a relationship with me on Facebook for attention and then I broke up with her.
  5. I couldn't think of something mean to say about one of my best friends so I said "Do I even have to say it???" and that sparked a lifetime of body image issues for her.
  6. I once took a pellet gun into my parents' bedroom and shot all the framed photos.
  7. In elementary school I printed out a neighborhood newsletter informing all my neighbors that my brother wet the bed.
  8. I once convinced a boy in high school that Regina Spektor's name was pronounced like vagina.
  9. I once convinced two friends in college that my birth mother is black.
  10. I dated someone and then went on a date with their roommate...
  11. I once told my mother that she was turning into her mother.
  12. I convinced a boy in my neighborhood that the reason his nipples were had was because he probably had cancer.
  13. I once threw a brick at my brother and it hit him in the face. When he got off the ground he said "Why would you throw a shoe at me?" So I quickly threw my show next to him and threw the brick in the river.
  14. ... This list could go on....