WHY BILL BELICHICK MUMBLES AT PRESS CONFERENCES

  1. He's half dead on the inside
  2. His lungs don't have the proper psi
  3. It's not lying if you don't say it out loud
  4. He feels being a soft talker is the only true sport left in life
  5. He hydrates his vocal chords with tears from Jets' fans
  6. He's better at mumbling sweet nothings than whispering them
  7. He thinks microphones work better than they do
  8. He used to live in a library
  9. Only losers talk in a normal voice