I spend a lot of time on planes. I'm currently on a plane. Anyone who does any of this should be tried at The Hague.
  1. Bare feet - Shoes off is acceptable, IF you're 100% positive that you don't smell. Socks must be worn. This applies to everyone with toes.
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  2. Armpits - I can't believe I even have to put this here.
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  3. Inconsiderate food choices - If you order McDonald's before boarding I will secretly hope we crash. I once sat next to a woman who ate an entire rotisserie chicken.
  4. Complainers, pt 1 - Oh, you're upset that the plane isn't taking off because of a mechanical issue? This is ridiculous? You'd rather be above 10,000 feet when we realize the "check engine" light was on?
  5. Complainers, pt 2 - Have you ever met a baby? They cry sometimes. Really glad you're such a childcare expert, I'd rather you stop whining over the infant in front of us.
  6. Overhead hogs - If you're sitting in row 40 and you put your rollerboard above row 11, you should be deported to the moon.
  7. Feet - Because it bears repeating. I will take your picture.
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