Excuses I Get From My Students When a Paper Is Due

#undergradprofessorprobs
  1. "My wifi is down and I can't finish in time"
  2. "My printer broke"
  3. "The school printer broke, too"
  4. "My roommate held a drug-fueled orgy in my apartment and I had to call the cops and lawyers are now involved and my student visa might be in jeopardy"
  5. "My laptop crashed RIGHT WHEN I FINISHED!!!"
  6. "Food poisoning"
  7. "I have a big thesis project due the day after and I need to work on that instead"
  8. "I thought it was only 2-3 pages, but it's actually 7-8, can I have an extension?"