INDIGNITIES

i am a queen (of first world problems)
  1. having your phone fall out of your back pocket into the toilet
    metrocard edition is a close second to phone
  2. accidentally injuring yourself by walking into a wall/table/low-hanging lamp
  3. having the bartender card your boyfriend but not you
  4. tripping and falling
    (in front of your crush)
  5. farting loudly in front of someone you know, when you don't realize they are there
    if you fart in front of a stranger, it is slightly better
  6. spilling coffee/a dark smoothie/wine on yourself and not being able to go home and change
  7. stepping in pee/human excrement/excrement of any kind, in the subway or on the street
    worse if you also can't go home and change
  8. suffering through some one else's farts in bed
    sorry baby
  9. getting your period and not noticing, bleeding on your clothes
    this hasn't happened to me in a very long time, but it is SO REAL
  10. slipping on the ice and smashing your phone cause it was in your back pocket and your ass hit the ice that hard
    yup, i did this
  11. realizing, after you've had your picture taken, that you have food in your teeth
  12. getting your dress stuck in your pantyhose in the back, not noticing
    old lady edition
  13. being sweat on by a stranger that you don't want to bang
    i'm talking to you: weirdo on the subway, creep on the dance floor, awkward sweaty passerby
  14. vomiting in front of anyone
    especially bad if you're crushing on the person, especially bad if it's in public, especially bad if you're drunk, especially bad if you're not drunk but people think you are
  15. being bitten by a cute dog
    doesn't seem fair