1. Don't ask me if my name has one T or two.
  2. Only freaks spell Matthew with one T.
  3. I'm not a freak, so obviously I have two Ts.
  4. Frankly, I'm insulted you would even ask.
  5. Have some decency before asking someone a hurtful question like that.
  6. That guy with the ill-fitted clothes, disjointed speech pattern, and strange body odor? Sure ask him.
  7. But not me. I'm a productive member of society.
  8. In fact, just assume everyone spells it with two Ts.
  9. Then you are either right, or you've given some poor sap named Mathew (it's hard to even type) the best compliment of his life.
  10. You're welcome for this very important PSA.