1. Wow, I am hilarious
  2. People are going to crack up
  3. Like, seriously, my three followers are going to LOSE IT
  4. Someday I'll get followers in the double digits & they'll appreciate me for me
  5. In the meantime, I'll keep being awesome
  6. Anyone need a comedy writer? I'm straight killin' it here
  7. Seriously, are there any jobs available? An unpaid internship that you can convince me is worth it bc I will get real life experience, but may not be able to pay for living expenses?
  8. I make a mean cup of coffee
    At least my Keurig thinks so
  9. Maybe BJ Novak will stumble across this & see the desperation in my attempts & offer me an assistant to his regional assistant position (see I even can make casual allusions to The Office)
    @bjnovak are you there? It's me, desperate almost college grad who just seeks attention (and a job)
  10. What was I talking about?
  11. Oh, makin' a list, checkin' it twice, gotta make sure I'm ~cool~ as ice
    Don't wanna risque a grammar errer on this hear internet placemat
  12. Wow, this is taking longer than anticipated
    No one will see it anyway, ya hoser
  13. Welp time to get back to my tv