HOW MY CHILDREN HAVE WOKEN ME UP. ALTERNATE TITLE: REASONS TO STAY IN BED

I have a 6-yr-old girl and a 3-yr-old boy. We also have a dog named Turkish. Since moving kids into big kid beds they sometimes get up before me. Combining these items in the AM hours is not always ideal.
  1. "It's okay Mom! I didn't throw up!"
  2. "I think Turkish pooped on the rug. It might not be poop. But it's brown and yellow and it's probably poop."
  3. "Like you Momma!" As my son hands me a small tube of Gorilla Glue while pointing at his closed eyelid. He was trying to put "eye drops" in his eye like mommy who wears contacts. Thank God that glue takes a while to harden. And thank God for giant bottles of real saline solution. And thank God he laid still while I flushed his eye for 10 min.
  4. "Mommy? I have poop...on my back? And on my hands?"
  5. "I tried to turn Netflix on while you were sleeping but now I don't know what I'm watching." Walk out... She is watching Conan the Barbarian.
  6. "It's okay mom! I cleaned it up already!" What?! Cleaned what up?!