SHIT MY DAD SAYS:

For the record my father is a very smart, educated, compassionate, liberal guy and this does not reflect him as a whole
  1. "You cannot bring your black lesbian coworker and her partner up to our lake house! She wears one of the phone cases that clips on to her belt for gods sake!"
    For the record, they still came
  2. "Oh your boyfriends from Virginia? Is he a racist? They kill black people there, ya know."
  3. "Washcloths are a conspiracy."
  4. "You look like the next leader of the young republicans club"
    Said to anyone who happens to be wearing a button down and sperrys
  5. "You're looking very thick. Like J Lo or Beyoncé. It's a compliment. It's not like I said straight out that you have thunder thighs"