Things I Pretend Not To Notice

  1. When my 2 year old wakes up in the morning.
    If I lie here really still, maybe my husband or my six year old will get her out of her crib.
  2. The sticker on the back of your shirt that says "SAUSAGE"
    You seemed like a sweet young girl and we don't know each other. Maybe that's what college girls are into?
  3. When any of my kids spit food out of their mouths back onto their plates.
    Yes, I should be working on manners with them, but it's so gross that I don't even want to talk about it.
  4. When someone I like is wearing socks with sandals.
    However, if you're someone I love, OH WE WILL BE HAVING A CONVERSATION.
  5. Your kid throwing a crazy wild fit.
    You got this! I'll leave you to it. But, if we do make eye contact, I promise to smile compassionately.
  6. Someone ringing my doorbell
    I'M NOT HERE!
  7. Those porny gifs & vids that pop up in my Facebook feed because you "liked" them, even though you have a girlfriend.
    Ew