BEST WAYS TO PROCRASTINATE

  1. Going down an IMDB spiral.
    Because you need to know the voice of that obscure cartoon rat. Who was in a movie with Seth Green. What has he been doing lately? And, look at that, he was in a kids' movie with Alyson Hannigan. Who was in Buffy. And would you look at the trivia bits listed for Buffy? This is such an education.
  2. Making an extensive To-Do list.
    This will make you feel productive because listing feels useful. (Ahem) This will get you organized so you can be more efficient later. Definitely add things you've already done so you have a bunch of crossed off things and build confidence.
  3. Organizing your bookshelves.
    By color. By author. By genre. By characters that would have interesting conversations with each other.
  4. Organizing your Goodreads bookshelves.
    This is crucial to planning your reading future. There might be books on your "to read" list that you have actually already read. Or maybe now you think those books sound boring. You need to get your house in order.
  5. Gif hunting
    Picture it. You're writing a casually witty email to someone with whom you want to be better friends. But you can't type too many words or you will look desperate. You need a shorthand way to say, "I'm aware of pop culture and have a great sense of humor. YOU should be chasing ME." You need the perfect gif. And you need to search for it for at least half an hour.
  6. Looking for Scientology articles.
    You need to stay up on their movements. And don't even get me started if you're not really sure what Scientology is. Start with Vanity Fair's Scientology keyword search and postpone everything because this is going to be your everything for a few days.
  7. Scouring the Internet for the perfect floral swingy midi skirt.
    YOU KNOW IT EXISTS BUT WHERE? All the Pinteresters pin this look. It's adorable with a striped shirt. If you could just wear this look, you'd be effortless and chic and feminine and light and going to, like, cupcake bakery openings with a champagne toast and a live brass band. Just look at one more clothing site. Surely that skirt is there. And the your whole life will change.
  8. Re-reading emails/texts/notes/blogs from 8 years ago.
    How can you possibly get anything done if you don't stay in touch with your roots? Your history? And look how FUNNY you were? Oh god. You're not this funny now. How did you even come up with this the first time? You've lost your sense of humor. Is this because you're old? Abort. ABORT.
  9. Running a Twitter account impersonating a friend who once crossed you in a mostly inoffensive way, but now you're playing the long game to finally best them through this epic, years in the making prank.
    Hypothetically, you could be doing this. Coming up with tweets in someone else's voice could theoretically take some time.
  10. Checking to see which celebrities follow each other on Twitter.
    As long as you're on social media, might as well check to see which of her co-stars Anna Kendrick follows. She has pretty good taste, right? So if she's not following someone she knows IRL, they must suck. And what about those co-stars? They don't follow each other?? DRAMA. And now you have to Google their feud to see what happened. One of them is probably a Scientologist.