REASONS I CAN'T POSSIBLY BE A MILLENNIAL EVEN THOUGH I TECHNICALLY AM ONE

Are you tired of hearing from early 80s babies who fall in the official years for the Millennial Generation but sort of don't fit the profile because we remember life before the tech boom so we insist we are a micro-generation? TOO BAD.
  1. Mavis Beacon taught me my most important adult life skill. Do kids today even have typing classes? Do they even need it since they're born with smartphones?
  2. I am totally willing to keep working at a job I only have lukewarm feelings for: it doesn't have to be personally fulfilling, it just has to have health insurance. I am too old to not care about health insurance.
  3. Snapchat frightens me. I need the permanence of Instagram.
  4. I'm a little too young for The Breakfast Club and a little too old for Lizzie McGuire. All of my cultural touchstones were made for someone else.
  5. Millennial is hard to spell. I'd rather be in a generation where I don't have to use spellcheck. Oh no. Is that narcissistic? Maybe I am a millennial after all.