WEIRD THINGS I CALL MY CAT
His name is Tony Curtis. He's seven months old and I promise I love him. Don't ask me where I come up with these, I'm clearly insane.
- •My little man
- •My little poop-monsterSeriously though. You have no idea how much poop comes out of this tiny creature.
- •My little vanilla milkshakeI sometimes elaborate on this one by singing Kelis' "Milkshake" while cradling him like a baby human until he squirms out of my arms and runs away from me.
- •My furry little pot roastThis one is often accompanied by threats of shaving him, putting him in the oven, and having him for dinner.
- •Cat-faced hellspawnSee bullet #2
- •Fat little cherub catAs in "Who's a fat little cherub cat? Are you the fat little cherub cat? I think you are. I think you're a fat little cherub cat."
- •Tony BaloneyBologna?
- •RastusI get this from my dad. He's from the backwoods of West Virginia; It's something he calls all small animals, I have no idea what it means and I'm scared to google it.
- •Mr. CurtisBecause sometimes he deserves just a modicum of respect.
- •Stinky ButtNo description necessary