My 4 Worst Diarrhea Attacks

everybody poops
  1. 1.
    On an Amtrak train
    Picture this: me, 13, shitting my heart out on a Northeast regional, when the train hits a curve and BOOM the door slides open because I didn't lock it right. Cue me penguin shuffling to close it, making eye contact with a woman waiting outside. She was gone when I came out.
  2. 2.
    On the subway
    This happened recently. It was during my morning commute on the J from BK to Manhattan when our train stalled on the Willy B. Cue the stomach cramps and oh boy was I sweating. And possibly crying. I actually made it to my stop but had to stop in a cafe and drop a bomb. I still can't walk by that place without feeling guilty.
  3. 3.
    Every college party. Ever.
    If you don't get the liquor shits YOU'RE LYING
  4. 4.
    On the side of the road in Bumblefuck, N.C.
    It was the summer I drank my first Monster, which turned out to be my last when not even 30 minutes later I was crying in the back of my parents car as we were on our 8 hour journey to the Outer Banks. There were no gas stations, no civilization, nothing. So yes, I climbed a hill into the woods, may or may not have started a forest fire, and then came out a woman.
  5. 5.
    I'm taking a chance with this list. Thank you.