1. "Have you ever noticed all the nice people are celebrities? It's like 'Ah, so *that's* where all the nice guys went.'"
    Written in some kind of Anne Frank-inspired (????) diary I kept for my 7th grade English class. I apparently had had enough experiences by then to know that dudes were pretty terrible, and I thought it was appropriate to let my teacher know.
  2. "Eloquent" meant "ugly"
    Circa high school. I also thought "culminate" meant "destroy." Really glad I kept those vocab quizzes.
  3. "Girls always make me laugh."
    Written in my diary, circa 1st or 2nd grade. I meant that girls make me laugh b/c they are legit hilarious and it's STILL TRUE. Even then, I was a tiny feminist.
  4. "I, Rachel T. R. Gray, will never EVER take drugs or join bad gangs or drink and get drunk."
    Written in diary, circa 3rd grade. The subsequent sentence detailed snowfall in the Sierras that I observed on a road trip to San Francisco for Thanksgiving. I was a random-ass kid.