Or: A Tale of Lost Innocence
  1. Let's go back to the year 2008 at my friend's 18th birthday party.
    It was a family party. Her grandparents were there. Her cousins. Younger brother.
  2. After playing sardines for who knows how long, we're all in the living room laying about and that's when we hear the doorbell ring.
  3. I think someone had joked about it being a stripper but then the guy said he had a pizza delivery and I was hidden so I didn't see what was going on but I remember thinking "we just ate why did someone order pizza?"
    I was the definition of an angel okay.
  4. This is the part where (almost) everyone ran out of the room, including the birthday girl who was a great combination of embarrassed and angry at this point.
  5. The only people that stayed were myself, my giggly friend, 2 other friends and their boyfriends, and the younger sister of one of those other friends.
    I'm pretty sure the only reason we didn't leave was because we didn't want to be rude?
  6. My friends mom hands us all a bunch of singles and then leaves to the backyard where the other adults are like how weird and uncomfortable that must have been to imagine your granddaughter and her HS friends getting a lap dance.
  7. Only 2 of us ended up getting a lap dance and I think I was the second person to get hers.
    My giggly friend went first and she was, well, giggling the entire time.
  8. When it was my turn, he out on "Dirrty" by Xtina and it's only been in the last 2 years where I can hear that song without being taken back to That Fateful Night.
  9. I don't remember the actual dance but I shared a class with the younger sister that was there and she said he was all up in my grill so I guess I blocked it out?
  10. Anyway, there's a picture of me floating around somewhere on the Internet of me oy friend's couch surrounded by dollar bills that will probably be dug up if I ever get famous.