My Favorite Quotes From My Friends Saved in My Phone
Not sure if any one else will think these are funny ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- •"My Aunt thinks that Sting wrote every song about her"
- •"You guys I found out today that my goat is dying from polio" :(
- •"I would give someone a blowjob right now if they took us to Wendy's!"Things ppl say when drunk and wanting a frostee
- •"When I was little I didn't want to be a Spice Girl, I wanted to be Fred Durst."Tomboy phase
- •"Did I ever tell you about the time my Lil Nana accidentally gave me and my brothers speed at a funeral?"
- •"I can't get a cold sore before church camp... I just can't!"#tbt when church camp was cool / teen angst
- •"This is like Lord of the Flies but with cookie dough"Friends sharing leftover cookie dough gets hostile quickly
- •"the Quaker Oates guy is pretty hot.. I mean you know he's got good morals and that he is a pacifist"
- •"Look at us... Three divas riding around in a Lexus... We're just like Destiny's Child!"
- •"You would not believe the shit you have to go through to get Carrot Top in a movie. I mean, the guy is asking for a jacquzzi on wheels with bullet proof glass around it"Pretending to be Carrot Top's booking agent while really stoned
- •"I love you like a baby needs its mama and like a doggy needs drama"
- •"Grayson, how much would we have to pay you for your career to be jacking off horses?" -"I don't know, I'd almost for sure get carpal tunnel syndrome"
- •"alien babies are delivered to president Obama in ice coolers"