Agenda for My Freaky Friday With Olivia Pope

  1. 6 a.m.: admire bone structure in mirror
  2. 7 a.m.: Instagram my cool door
  3. 8 a.m.: Starbucks guy says "Name?" I look at him intensely and say "I'm Olivia Pope."
  4. 9 a.m.: tense run-in with David Rosen. Tense-tense or sexually tense? One can never be sure.
  5. 10 a.m.: Get to OPA. Quinn and Huck obviously sitting in the dark trembling. Slap 8x10 of ex-boyfriend on the board (knew it would come in handy someday.)
  6. 11 a.m.: maybe I should check on my goddaughter, Ella Margaret Novak Beene. The other day I asked Cyrus how she was and he barked, "WHO?"
  7. 11:01 a.m.: eh, I'm sure she's fine. I'll just send her a gift of a cashmere cinch-waist coat, size baby.
  8. 12 p.m.: not lunch, cause I don't eat that.
  9. 12:01 p.m.: ok, what things should I handle?
  10. 12:30 p.m.: yell at the ceo of Bon chon until he agrees to open more locations in New York. Convenient ones this time!
  11. 1 p.m.: make out with fitz until he signs an executive order outlawing ladies' room stall doors that open inward.
  12. 2 p.m.: intercept Kate Middleton at a state event and say to her "come with me" in such a stern voice that she has to follow. Then we get massages and share all our secrets
  13. 6 p.m.: jake, let's get you out of that mandarin collar leather jacket of yours
  14. 9 p.m.: demolish fancy wine collection
  15. 11 p.m.: ignore fitz's knock. Can't with him right now. Would have never said thing about jam if I knew it would become a thing.
  16. 11:30 p.m.: call Olivia. She is doing a great job as me! She asks where I keep my euro pillows, small square pillows and pillow shaped like a piece of candy. She points out that it's almost midnight and did I track down the gypsy woman who can switch us back? I hang up and fall into deep wine sleep.