How to Handle Drunk Guilt

  1. 1. Try to appreciate it. Remind yourself that guilt is a good thing because it means you're not a sociopath.
  2. 2. Eat something. By the time you're done chewing, whatever you think it is you did last night will have fallen from "there is no humanity" to "humanity could use a tune up, but it does exist."
  3. 3. Consider your drunk guilt track record. Do you feel this way every time you wake up after a night out no matter what you did? You might not be in such bad trouble. Perhaps you're Catholic.
  4. 4. Call the friend of yours who is most likely to give it to you straight and least likely to up-play it. Does the friend you're thinking of use the phrase "epic night," often in combination with a hashtag? That's not the right friend.
  5. 5. Apologize if what happened was memorable and eligible to be remembered by those who witnessed it.
  6. 6. Comfort yourself with a story of someone doing something worse than you did. At one friend's wedding I scribbled an incoherent message over a full page of the guestbook and woke up to people standing around it in a circle, laughing.
  7. 7. Know when to stop talking about it.