Inanimate Objects I Mouth Off to Daily
I endeavor to be kind to all creatures, so I have nothing left for things.
- •Avocados gone bad"My fault for thinking because you were hard as a rock 40 minutes ago I had some time to play with."
- •Cutouts on clothing"Why are you everywhere?"
- •My iPhone keyboard"I like how you think you get people."
- •The cabinet where I keep all my noisy pots"Always a pleasure! Jackasses."
- •Plugs that fall out of the socket two seconds after I plug them in"Genuinely, go f--- yourself."
- •15 pens in a row that are out of ink"Thanks for coming out."
- •Bobby pins that are just lying limply in my hair"What do you imagine you're accomplishing right now, exactly?"
- •Kids' musical toys"These rhymes are blowing my mind. With their LAZINESS!"
- •Spoilers (TV)"I should be able to Google 'michael kelly shirtless' without the Internet vomiting up all of season three, or IS THIS NOT AMERICA ANYMORE?"
- •Spoilers (Honda Civic)"Well, you've got my attention!"