Inanimate Objects I Mouth Off to Daily

I endeavor to be kind to all creatures, so I have nothing left for things.
  1. Avocados gone bad
    "My fault for thinking because you were hard as a rock 40 minutes ago I had some time to play with."
  2. Cutouts on clothing
    "Why are you everywhere?"
  3. My iPhone keyboard
    "I like how you think you get people."
  4. The cabinet where I keep all my noisy pots
    "Always a pleasure! Jackasses."
  5. Plugs that fall out of the socket two seconds after I plug them in
    "Genuinely, go f--- yourself."
  6. 15 pens in a row that are out of ink
    "Thanks for coming out."
  7. Bobby pins that are just lying limply in my hair
    "What do you imagine you're accomplishing right now, exactly?"
  8. Kids' musical toys
    "These rhymes are blowing my mind. With their LAZINESS!"
  9. Spoilers (TV)
    "I should be able to Google 'michael kelly shirtless' without the Internet vomiting up all of season three, or IS THIS NOT AMERICA ANYMORE?"
  10. Spoilers (Honda Civic)
    "Well, you've got my attention!"