1. Do you thrill to the feeling of rayon under your feet?
  2. Do you enjoy feeling left out of the inside jokes of tweens with their whole lives ahead of them?
  3. Do you like giving yourself a dirty look in a mirror after realizing you care what tweens think of you at 31?
  4. Do you find that at other stores, the waiting-for-the-dressing-rooms experience is over all too quickly?
  5. Were you looking for an opportunity to rant under your breath that you're a medium everywhere and THIS is no medium?
  6. Do you like feeling torn between hating a song and wanting to Shazam it?
  7. Are you into being caught Shazam-ing by the same judgey vibrant tween clique? Wait, do they have bags from the MAC store? So they know what song this is AND they already have their signature lip colors all figured out
  8. Do you have so little pride that you will test drive a headband across the forehead in front of them, after all this?
  9. Are you about to commit a crime that will take you 45 minutes and looking for a romper that will disintegrate as soon as the deed is done?
  10. Then sure, go in. But remember: no returns. no regrets. never look back.