Times I Wasn't the Weird Roommate

  1. When my roommate, high as a kite, whipped me out of bed to show me the Empire carpets commercial, which she previously thought was local to Chicago
  2. When my roommate shed her long hair everywhere but what's more the hair always had bits of lucky charms in it
  3. When I came home to find my roommate and her friends sitting in the dark, laughing, covered head to toe in flour
  4. When my roommate invited a small man to stay on our futon for a week and he wore white jeans all day and night
  5. When my roommate concluded each of her showers by raining bronzer down on her body using a powdered sugar sifter. In the shared shower
  6. When I caught my roommate cleaning the part of the floor on which she had peed the night before with our dish towel and olive oil