These are not direct quotes but they may as well be.
  1. "When you move to New York, bring some plants to decorate the spacious personal balcony that comes standard with every apartment."
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  2. "You can make curly hair and straight bangs work. It's barely any maintenance."
    1e012979 b1f9 4e44 ae14 41d8a3e69b7a
  3. "Yes, having it all is a struggle but of course you and the baby will still look chic every day."
    5693a982 e43d 4dee b07f 0d8999ea04d6
    I am going through this now and unfortunately my everyday look is more "Marvin's Room Keaton." :(
  4. "If you want a robust family energy you really need to have four kids. Don't worry, you'll still be able to afford an average home."
    0513649a 3bb1 436a b77b be8ee69cb4e3
  5. "By the way, this is an average home."
    9260d903 71b4 44fc abec 9793881005a5
  6. "When you're older, you will put on something like this and smoke a cigar and look like a highly attractive badass."
    5bf4eebb f83d 4e04 a534 1cd8a3dbeb68
    I would look like a fat little Italian boy on his baptism day.
  7. You can get unexpectedly pregnant at ~40+ yrs old and still look consistently adorable
    0aad8cf2 6cab 49af bba7 713a1a960bf2
    Suggested by @hate_my_selfie