THINGS I'VE WOKEN UP WITH BEING UNMARRIED & W/O KIDS IN MY 30S

  1. I think we all know what was poking me in the ass....Because I still get to have sex.
  2. A bed filled with an 88 lb mastiff, a 230lb Russian, only my bra on, an alarming amount of buttons spread on the floor, with a wine glass clutched in my hand.
  3. A fridge full of cheese and half mixed shakers of, I think, an aperol spritz.
  4. Whiskey breath.
  5. Photos on my camera of people I do not know but apparently really liked.
  6. Doing the stride of pride with my boyfriend on a family vacation.
  7. The ability to still brunch.