BROKEN NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

  1. Don't sin
  2. Turn your existential dread into creative energy
  3. Stop quoting The Room at inappropriate times
  4. Anyway how is your sex life
  5. Instead of gazing longingly at pictures of Idris Elba, try going to the gym
  6. Take the one ring to Mordor and throw it back into the fiery pits from whence it came
  7. Don't even think about getting that Poe Dameron body pillow you disgusting trollop