PREDICTED SUMMER HEADLINES FROM MONTANA
Things that happen in Montana a lot because it's weird.
- •California tourist gored by bison while trying to take a selfie in in Yellowstone.California woman gored while taking selfies with a bull bison. She did not ask what his good side was prior.
- •New record high temps in Miles City. Rivals surface of the sun.City once again holds the record for hottest and coldest city in America. Rest of country confused as to why anyone lives there.
- •Vigilante Parade still a thingHelena High School students celebrate Montana history with parade commemorating the Vigilance Committee's hanging of 20 road agents in 1863.
- •Rereading of state law reveals its still totally legal to kill a man for antiquated reasons.Legislature votes to keep law that makes it legal to hang a man caught stealing horses. Law left in books because it lends a charming "Wild West" feeling to the state constitution.
- •Terrorist organization threatens governor's mansion with chemical agent.The terrorist organization turned out to be high school students with spray painted rock salt. If you have any information on the whereabouts of said teens, please contact the Lewis and Clark Police Department.
- •Hollywood celebrity run out of LivingstonThe town of Livingston once again decided as a group that another celebrity was not welcome. It was reiterated that the only approved and city sanctioned celebrity is Golden Globe winning actor Michael Keaton.