A HISTORY OF HEARTBREAK IN FICTIONAL DRINKS

  1. The Inevitable: well vodka, soda water, lime. Sprinkle generously with goodbyes. Drink liberally until 2:30 AM. Finish with chewing gum and a long-overdue makeout session at the entrance to the West 4th Avenue subway station.
  2. The Sexual Tension: any assortment of craft beers from Spritzenhaus, Greenpoint. Sample as many different varieties as possible. Garnish each with the man you're falling for stroking your leg under the table.
  3. The Passive-Aggression: scotch. Serve in a plastic cup on a stoop with the man you love's roommate while the man you love ignores you, even though he invited you to stay with him while you were in town. Muddle with contents of brain and heart by then going to bed with the man you love anyway.
  4. The Ex's Drama Desk Nomination: ginger beer, fresh lime, tequila. Drink with annoyance, preferably en route to meeting your new crush at someone's birthday drinks. When your new crush leaves the bar just after you arrive, chase with what's left of your best friend's pint.
  5. The Meltdown: Jameson whiskey, cut with floods of tears. Presentation counts with The Meltdown: serve at karaoke, or, for maximum impact, a friend's wedding.
  6. The Clean Kill: A true Clean Kill is composed of nothing but water and time. However, an acceptable facsimile can be fashioned from XO Patron and Tito's vodka, followed by a quarter of a hit of LSD.