1. How hard can this parenting thing be?
  2. We can totally have a kid. It looks easy.
  3. Why is the kid crying?
  4. Why would they throw that?
  5. That was a very high pitch scream.
  6. Do all boys cry this much as toddlers?
  7. More crying?
  8. Do all parents have a constant headache? Because I have a headache that hasn't gone away since we arrived.
  9. I think kid poop stinks more than that dump I took after eating vegan for a week. And that's saying something.
  10. Maybe we should wait a bit longer to have a kid.
  11. Crying?!?! Again?!?!
  12. Get the train off my face.
  13. I just cleaned that and you made it dirty again. Awesome.
  14. Gross! Get that out of your mouth!
  15. Don't lick your feet.
  16. All you need is a nap. Just take a damn nap.
  17. Don't pick your nose.
  18. Benadryl is an acceptable method of sedation, right?
  19. I need a beer.
  20. I definitely cannot have kids.