1. I am turning 30 in two weeks.
  2. Usually I am beyond excited for my birthday, I am THAT person.
  3. But this summer my best friend died. Unexpectedly, two weeks after her birthday.
  4. We always joked that I wasn't older until she turned the same age.
  5. I don't know how it started, but she always felt like the oldest.
  6. Last year I texted her on her birthday "I am finally 29!".
  7. We laughed because we still found it hilarious, and stupid, and a sign that we were still friends.
  8. Now I am just sad because I don't want to be 30 if it means she can never be 30.
  9. Maybe I'll be 29 forever.