Set up: Thing 1 is my 4 year old son. Thing 2 is my 1 year old son. I am sorry in advance if you find this in 15 years.
  1. Be on solo parent duty for a weekend while husband is away.
  2. Let the kids have a fun thing by going to Steak and Shake for lunch.
  3. Encourage Thing 1 to finish his water. (3.1. Regret this later)
  4. Have to wait about 3643 minutes to pay the check.
  5. Thing 1 nows needs to pee and absolutely cannot hold it for the 7 minutes to get home.
  6. Take Thing 1 to bathroom. Remember you are on solo duty, so are also carrying Thing 2, as he walks sometimes maybe. (6.1. Regret not baby wearing Thing 2)
  7. Realize S&S has *just* mopped the restroom floor.
  8. Slide into stall, pull Thing 1 onto seat with one arm while holding Thing 2.
  9. Attempt to keep Thing 2 from diving out of your arms to explore the bathroom floor. Because...bathroom floor.
  10. Look away for .25 seconds to hang up diaper bag (remember you're carrying that too)
  11. Have Thing 1 finish and forget he is high up, so he leaps down onto impossibly slick floor.
  12. Thing 1 falls. Face first. And pants around ankles. Onto bathroom floor.
  13. Clean and comfort Thing 1 while balancing Thing 2 on half a knee.
  14. Extra hand washes for everyone!
  15. Depart bathroom. Make no eye contact. Pray none saw the events of this day.
  16. Get everyone in car. Laughcry some.
  17. Look up the location of the next closest Steak and Shake because you can never return.