DON'T SAY THESE THINGS

things I've almost said. caught myself at the last second every time.
  1. 1.
    "This tastes like garbage"
    To my dad. About coffee he made.
  2. 2.
    "I had a dream your boyfriend impregnated me"
    You can see where this could go wrong. And I already told her of one other dream I had with her boyfriend.
  3. 3.
    "Sup, slut"
    To my mom. She just wouldn't get that slut is a term of endearment in my vocabulary.
  4. 4.
    "I'm a really good dancer"
    Best not to brag and raise people's expectations. Let the opportunity arise then use the element of surprise (that rhymed).
  5. 5.
    "I would be so fucking good at this job, just trust me on this and hire me okay"
    I mean, IT'S TRUE! There have been so many occasions where I've wanted to say this.
  6. 6.
    "You're such fake bitches"
    I'm talking to you, girls who hugged me like we were best friends upon reuniting the summer after freshman year