Alternatively titled: WHY DO I LOOK AT THIS CRAP WHEN I'M NOT EMOTIONALLY READY?
  1. This was the photo memory FB showed me today.
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    Me and my father, from Dec 24, 2013.
  2. The photo was taken in his nursing home, during a Christmas dinner for the residents.
  3. That was my last Christmas with Dad.
  4. I both love and hate that picture.
    I love it because I think it's the last photo of us together, but I hate it because that's not my dad. I mean, it is, but by then -- in full blown dementia and having lost 55 pounds in 9 months and that fucking nursing home shaved his beard without our permission -- it wasn't really him anymore.
  5. This is the dad I know, the one who comes to me in dreams now.
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    Dad died of a massive stroke on February 27, 2014. I'm still devastated, but I'm doing a little better each month that passes.
  6. Merry Christmas, Dad. I miss you.