We'd hung out a few times and I was passing through her city on the way to somewhere else so we planned on going out that night and then I'd crash at her place.
  1. I was 18
  2. I picked her up from her apartment and we went to dinner at Winger's with my friend Jordan and his long term girlfriend.
    They have good Sticky Fingers but if you're going there present day I'd say get a burger.
  3. Whitney (the girl who ruined my night/let me ruin her night) never said a word during dinner and didn't look up from her phone.
    This was 2007. We didn't even have smartphones back then!
  4. We were in a college town, she was a cheerleader for the university, and during homecoming week (which it was) there was a tradition that to become a "true thunderbird" you would go to the football field and make out at a certain time.
  5. Whitney wanted to achieve true thunderbird-ship and for some reason, I suggested other activities. Idiot...
    "No thanks, let's not go kiss"
  6. In 2007, Dane Cook was in his hay day and the movie Good Luck Chuck had just come out.
    Good Luck Chuck is essentially constant sex/nudity interrupted by the occasional raunchy joke.
  7. Whitney doesn't want to go to a rated R movie, but the rest of us talk her into it.
    Talking a girl into doing something she's uncomfortable with? What could go wrong?
  8. I tell her that it's probably just rated R for language and that I'm sure it won't be too crude.
  9. Scene 1: naked chick blowing Dane Cook on a beach
  10. *my brain explodes from the awkwardness*
  11. I lean over to her and suggest we just scrap the movie and take off.
  12. She is texting someone and doesn't look up or otherwise acknowledge me in ANY way.
  13. Scene 4: About 15 minutes into the movie and we've seen enough breasts to turn even the most mature 18 year old (which I was not) quite red in the face.
  14. Again, I suggest we leave. Again, she ignores my existence.
  15. +/- 30 minutes into the movie: I've been dying a little inside every time a naked woman appears on screen, when suddenly the screen is made up of 15-20 small squares. Each square contains Dane Cook banging some chick in a different position, each woman louder and spewing forth more garbage than the next.
  16. *I feel my heart beat in my eyeballs*
  17. I lean over to her and say something to the effect of "I'm leaving and you can come with me if you want".
    I'm sure what I said was far less intelligible and looking back...what if she had just stayed put? What do you even do at that point?!
  18. We walk out to my car and the first thing she says is "I told you I didn't want to see that movie".
    Yep. You sure did.
  19. As much as I would love to just drop her off and do us both the courtesy of never speaking to each other again...I left my overnight bag at her place.
  20. So now we go up to her bedroom, shut the door so the roommates can't hear, and basically test out how many different ways I can say "sorry for being such a jerk" for about two hours.
    I mean, I deserved that, and the apologies were 100% heartfelt.
  21. When she finally accepts my apology, she suggests we watch a movie out on the couch, then go to bed.
  22. She selects the cinematic classic: A Cinderella Story. The one with Hillary Duff and Stiffler's mom.
  23. I sit on the couch, leaving PLENTY of room for her to sit next to me.
  24. She sits on the floor.
  25. Shit...
  26. At this point, I should have just politely left. But no...I thought I could fix things and still "make out" with her or whatever the F I thought I was going to get away with before ruined everything by forcing her to watch Dane Cook do what he did to those poor women.
  27. 20-30 minutes into the movie and she hasn't sat by me or really interacted with me at all.
  28. I think, "hey I'll give her some space and go to bed before her since I'm tired anyway". I tell her as much, and that I'll see her when the movie is over.
  29. I go lay in her bed, scoot CLEAR over to one side so that she can climb in when the movie is over and snuggle up to me and beg me to mack her face off...and I slowly drift off to sleep.
  30. *the next morning*
  31. I awake to the sound of her roommate out in the living room saying (in complete disgust), "did Will make you sleep on the couch last night?"
    Yep...she had spent the night on the couch and I had slept comfortably in her bed. She probably made the right choice...
  32. I quickly and quietly got out of bed, shut bedroom the door and threw on the bare minimum amount of clothes a person would need in order to try and casually walk out of such a situation.
  33. I walk out of the bedroom, basically just planning to wave goodbye and slam the door behind me.
  34. But now she wants to make me breakfast?
  35. Wtf?
  36. We are WAY past having a nice little breakfast together so I politely decline and tell her I'd better get on the road.
  37. I turn to go and she says, and I shit you not, "well can't I at least get a hug?"
    What? Why?! Let's just end this!
  38. My actual response was "I guess".
    I was so confused.
  39. We share a short, cold, embrace and she actually pats me on the back like we're relatives at a family reunion.
  40. I opened the door to walk out to my car...
  41. ...and it was pouring rain.
  42. I shut the door behind me, got completely drenched in the rain, and hoped I'd never see her again.
    Sorry, Whitney. You took the bullet so a lot of future girls could be taken on nice, fun dates. Also, you were kind of a brat.
  43. The Bright Side: I never saw her again :)