IF. . . THEN: CAREERS IN THE LAW EDITION

Caveat: I really only know about criminal law and legal services. I honestly have no idea what other lawyers do all day.
  1. If it matters to you whether your client "did it,"
    Then you shouldn't be a public defender. (Or any kind of criminal defense attorney, really, but if you're not a public defender maybe you screen your cases?). Just do something else, though. Defendants need a lawyer who busts ass even if they're guilty.
  2. If it doesn't matter to you whether the defendant did it,
    Then you shouldn't be a prosecutor.
  3. If you don't want to see more nudity than is necessary at work,
    Then you shouldn't be a legal services attorney. (At least not a legal services attorney who works with clients with mental illness.)
  4. If you don't want to make your own copies and coffee, sweep your own floor, do your own filing, and answer your own calls,
    Then you shouldn't be an attorney at a scrappy nonprofit. (Also, j/k, I never sweep).
  5. If you can't put aside your personal feelings about what they "should" do and advocate for what your client wants (as long as it's legal),
    Then you shouldn't be an attorney.
  6. If you can't handle being yelled at, told you're not helping, called horrible names, and "fired," only to have the client come back the next day like nothing happened (and you can't chalk it up to their circumstances and not take it personally),
    Then you shouldn't work at my office. 🙂
  7. If you're doing direct legal services, working with people who have been marginalized and oppressed, and you don't think it's the toughest job you'll ever love,
    Then for everyone's benefit, go do something else.