LEAST COMFORTING THINGS A PROFESSIONAL SAID TO ME DURING MY HOSPITALIZATION

I've been in the hospital since Monday with blood clots after essentially collapsing at work. They took really good care of me, and I love them all. But something about my demeanor makes people tell me just a little too much sometimes.
  1. I'm calling 911. You're green.
    Not a medical professional, but my coworker. Actually the "calling 911" part was pretty comforting.
  2. We can't let them put you in the waiting room. You'll pass out in the chair.
    The EMT who brought me into the ER. My BP was 70/30 when they first got to me, so he was advocating for me to get a bed ASAP.
  3. Huh. We don't usually see that kind of swollen leg with back pain. How interesting.
    The doc I first saw in the ER. I had had pain in my lower back and leg all day, which I thought was sciatica until my leg swelled up and turned blue.
  4. Wow. You're the calmest person I've ever seen who has just been told they had a blood clot.
    Nurse in the ER, right after I was told I had a blood clot. My response: Should I be freaking out?!?
  5. So the question is why this happened. I don't think we need to go looking for cancer, necessarily...
    The doctor who admitted me from the ER to the hospital. Wait, what?!? Life threatening pulmonary embolism is not enough, now I gotta think about the big C?
  6. oh, good thing you're here. Clots in the lungs can be very dangerous.
    Almost everyone. Yeah, no kidding.
  7. One time, we were operating on this lady, and we had to simultaneously do CPR and try to drain fluid from her pericardium ...
    Nurse who was taking my vitals while I was having an ultrasound of my heart done. Not time for war stories, my friend.
  8. Oh, your veins are really small.
    Every single person who had to place an IV/draw blood. Which was like 20 people. I know. I can't help it. I am hydrated AF, and they are still tiny. What do you want me to do about it?
  9. Mary, tell them why you can't sit up.
    The nurse anesthetist after the procedure putting the catheter in my leg. Nobody told me I couldn't sit up. They told me I would have to keep my leg straight, which I thought meant my knee. Turns out it meant my hip, too, but no one told me that. This made me cry. (My general reaction to sedation/anesthetic). To be fair to her, I think she was worried that I had forgotten what just happened. Little does she know I am a compulsive rule follower who would never sit up if I wasn't supposed to.