I think it's a sign that I'm feeling better that I'm able to think about the worst things about being depressed. I'm not sure that makes sense...
  1. When you're really depressed, sometimes you don't know that you're really depressed, and you think that this is just you, and you don't know you can feel better. Sometimes this happens even if you've been depressed before.
  2. When you do realize you feel lousy, and maybe it's depression, it's really hard to make the first step to feeling better. Making a doctor's appointment, looking for a therapist, maybe seeing multiple people until you find one you like--all of this is exponentially harder when you are depressed.
    And every med that doesn't work, or therapist who is not seeing new patients, or other setback feels insurmountable.
  3. You may have no idea how your depression is impacting others.
  4. Or, you may know. And blame yourself for it. And feel like you are no fun, no good, not worthy of love, and no one could want to be with you because you're depressed.
  5. People close to you may think you are not trying or have given up, and be unable/unwilling to understand that you are trying to get by the best you can, and that no one hates that you are depressed more than you.
  6. It's still so stigmatized that it's harder to admit, harder to talk about, harder to recover.
  7. If you're me, every new antidepressant you try makes you super nauseous for the first 2-3 weeks, which means you can't go to the gym in the morning, which was the only thing reliably making you feel better.
  8. All the things that will make you feel better -- exercise, reaching out to people, doing something to take care of yourself -- seem so much harder when you are depressed. Lying in bed or binge watching Netflix alone in a dark room does not, in fact, make you feel better, but feels like all you can do.
  9. In addition to feeling baseline sad or numb, you don't get to feel the breathtaking excitement/joy/happiness that balance out the lows of life.