THINGS MY DAD SAYS

My dad is the best. He has many talents, but my ultimate favorite thing he does is string together swear words in new and interesting ways when he is frustrated. He also uses sarcasm to great effect. I'm making him sound like a butt head, but truly he's just a sweetheart with a potty mouth
  1. "Goddamn motherfucking son of a fucking cocksucker!!!!!" He left this in a voicemail on my phone that he didn't realize he was recording. He had just discovered that the detour he had taken had put him way behind in his travel plans. I saved that voicemail for years. Priceless
  2. "You little bitch!" Always said to an inanimate object that is misbehaving in some way, such as anything he would be trying to assemble
  3. "What the fucking fuck?!" When something is not working the way it's supposed to
  4. "How'd that feel?" Whenever you get a minor injury, like a stubbed toe or a paper cut. Drives me insane but is also somehow endearing
  5. "Let me just make sure that tastes okay for you." Whenever you have anything edible he thinks looks good
  6. "Things don't just break Maggie." Whenever something did just actually break, such as the belt in the vacuum cleaner.
  7. "You motherfucking bastard piece of shit!!!!!!" Usually to the broken or malfunctioning snowblower in the driveway at 6 AM. This was the most hilarious since it was clear the neighbors could hear ❤️