1. Learn instruments with ease
    I taught myself how to play the trumpet in a day
  2. Convince anyone to do anything
    Try me
  3. Rap/sing the entirety of Weird Al's "White and Nerdy"
    I am the definition of white and nerdy
  4. Speak Tajik
    Yes, it's a real language
  5. Give killer impromptu speeches
    Basically heaven
  6. Write, direct, and edit music videos
    YouTube my name and check @squad out!
  7. Eat basically anything
    Bugs, bull testicles, you name it
  8. I can sing the D two octaves above middle C
    I feel as if some day I'll shatter eardrums
  9. Beat men up with juice boxes
    I'm PROUD of my innocence, and by golly I guard that with all of my being. Sometimes with juice boxes. Be afraid, be very afraid.