EXTRAVAGANT LIES TO TELL TODAY, COLLEGE EDITION

Inspired by the genius brain and list of @hannah_rachel
  1. They only hire elves in the mail room. I was mistakingly recruited on move-in day. Thankfully, five days later my lawyers stepped in and forced them to let me go. #freetheelves #shortpeoplepride
  2. I grew up five minutes from here, so I know all of the underground tunnels. There's actually one that runs directly under the dining hall. I can show you if you want?
  3. I lived in a cardboard box for a year, so sharing a room with two other people now is nothing!
  4. I'm dropping out of school to accept the republican nomination.
  5. I snort hot chocolate powder every day. It keeps me energized, lovable, and awake. I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a chocolate-filled life.
  6. I have a tattoo of our school's mascot in a very very secret place.
  7. I buried all of my gold underneath the big tree. THE BRITISH ARE COMING AND I NEED IT NOW! Help me dig?
  8. You know how there are no tampon boxes in the campus bathrooms? Well sorry about that. You see, a few years ago I desperately needed metal. So I snuck around in the dead of night and collected them all to melt down. But hey, now I have a lot of hand-made forks!