HOW FRUIT ROLL-UPS BECOME FRUIT, ROLLS, AND THE MOVIE UP
- •As many of you know, for years the government has been using fruit roll-ups as surveillance equipment.Each bite is infused with hundreds of microscopic bugs that pick up endless hours of audio and video evidence of everything.
- •In 2008, the government decided to defund this program.They hoped that no one would find out about the surveillance.
- •So to cover up the scandal, they gathered the already-created fruit roll-ups.The bugs were removed and the fantastical footage combined into an unlikely movie. This movie was edited by the government's top-secret filmmakers. And in 2009, the cover-up, "Up" was released as the culmination of the footage. The government hoped this movie would end all questions about the scandal, and bury the fruit roll-up questions once and for all.
- •After the bugs were removed, the excess fruit leather was boiled down.
- •The simple sugars formed fruits.This obviously shocked all of the scientists involved.
- •And the complex carbs resulted in rolls.This was SO surprising, that 14 scientists died on the spot from shock.
- •Today, there are less fruit roll-ups as a result.