HOW FRUIT ROLL-UPS BECOME FRUIT, ROLLS, AND THE MOVIE UP

  1. As many of you know, for years the government has been using fruit roll-ups as surveillance equipment.
    Each bite is infused with hundreds of microscopic bugs that pick up endless hours of audio and video evidence of everything.
  2. In 2008, the government decided to defund this program.
    They hoped that no one would find out about the surveillance.
  3. So to cover up the scandal, they gathered the already-created fruit roll-ups.
    The bugs were removed and the fantastical footage combined into an unlikely movie. This movie was edited by the government's top-secret filmmakers. And in 2009, the cover-up, "Up" was released as the culmination of the footage. The government hoped this movie would end all questions about the scandal, and bury the fruit roll-up questions once and for all.
  4. After the bugs were removed, the excess fruit leather was boiled down.
  5. The simple sugars formed fruits.
    This obviously shocked all of the scientists involved.
  6. And the complex carbs resulted in rolls.
    This was SO surprising, that 14 scientists died on the spot from shock.
  7. Today, there are less fruit roll-ups as a result.