MY INJURIES, RANKED
my injuries have been few in number, but the dooziest of doozies
- 5.when I was 15 I went to Europe with a high school music tour, and on one of our days off, my friend and I were on a seesaw. we were evenly matched until our two friends jumped on with her, and then abruptly jumped off. I flew headlong onto the bar and managed to not die of blunt force trauma by putting my hands out and grabbing hold of it
- 4.later that same day, we ended up at another playground (I don't know why playgrounds were so prevalent to this trip), and I was on this equipment that spun really fast, probably because it was being played with by teenagers. I ended up getting thrown from it, straight into an electric fence, where it took me a couple seconds to wrangle myself outwhat the fuck, Swiss people? why would you surround a children's playground with an electric fence? (I think it was to keep the goats out but I'm still bitter)
- 3.during a summer swim practice, I was nearing the end of my lap, and pressed my hand into the wall. mistake. got electrocuted again. I can't say which was more of a surprise, playground or pool. our coach left a message with an electrician but kept practice running until he called back and advised her to remove the children from the 25 m. death pit
- 2.one time when we were little, my brother and I were playing around on the stairs. I got too rambunctious and whipped my head into a sharp corner. I covered my eyebrow with my hand, walked to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, moved my hand, and let out what can only be described as a bloodcurdling scream. it was v dramatic. I had to get stitches.at the ER, I told the doctors they were so lucky to get to stay up to midnight all the time. my mom insisted that a plastic surgeon do the stitches; props to her for predicting I'd need these bad boys later in life now that thick eyebrows are a thing
- 1.ok this is a toofer: I was at my friend's house, sledding, and sledded right into a bush. it scratched my cornea. at the doctor's, I was so ecstatic to learn I would not go blind, I was running all over the office, flailing wildly. I slammed my hand on a chair so hard that it immediately turned purple and I had to go back into the room for ice.