MY INJURIES, RANKED

my injuries have been few in number, but the dooziest of doozies
  1. 5.
    when I was 15 I went to Europe with a high school music tour, and on one of our days off, my friend and I were on a seesaw. we were evenly matched until our two friends jumped on with her, and then abruptly jumped off. I flew headlong onto the bar and managed to not die of blunt force trauma by putting my hands out and grabbing hold of it
  2. 4.
    later that same day, we ended up at another playground (I don't know why playgrounds were so prevalent to this trip), and I was on this equipment that spun really fast, probably because it was being played with by teenagers. I ended up getting thrown from it, straight into an electric fence, where it took me a couple seconds to wrangle myself out
    what the fuck, Swiss people? why would you surround a children's playground with an electric fence? (I think it was to keep the goats out but I'm still bitter)
  3. 3.
    during a summer swim practice, I was nearing the end of my lap, and pressed my hand into the wall. mistake. got electrocuted again. I can't say which was more of a surprise, playground or pool. our coach left a message with an electrician but kept practice running until he called back and advised her to remove the children from the 25 m. death pit
  4. 2.
    one time when we were little, my brother and I were playing around on the stairs. I got too rambunctious and whipped my head into a sharp corner. I covered my eyebrow with my hand, walked to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, moved my hand, and let out what can only be described as a bloodcurdling scream. it was v dramatic. I had to get stitches.
    at the ER, I told the doctors they were so lucky to get to stay up to midnight all the time. my mom insisted that a plastic surgeon do the stitches; props to her for predicting I'd need these bad boys later in life now that thick eyebrows are a thing
  5. 1.
    ok this is a toofer: I was at my friend's house, sledding, and sledded right into a bush. it scratched my cornea. at the doctor's, I was so ecstatic to learn I would not go blind, I was running all over the office, flailing wildly. I slammed my hand on a chair so hard that it immediately turned purple and I had to go back into the room for ice.