HOW I IMAGINE OUR FIRST DATE

  1. We sit on the couch watching School Of Rock eating Kraft® Mac N Cheese - when the movie is over we talk and talk until we end up watching Dragon Tales on Netflix. Our hands touch and we blush. We exchange a sorta awkward patting hug on my way out.
  2. You take me to a Ben Folds concert and we sing along to most of the songs. We start holding hands until he plays The Luckiest and then we get a little self-conscious about everything. We make some jokes to divert the awkwardness but we never get over it and shake hands good night. A week later, we're Facebook official.
  3. We meet at the club. Neither of us really wants to be there, our friends dragged us out. You recommend we get out of there, I think this means you're taking me back to your place, but instead you take me down to the river and we vandalize the ship yard with phallic symbols and sign everything Chloë Grace Moretz.
  4. First we go to a museum and make a lot of jokes and references and take silly pictures, then you order your favorite pastry and coffee from your go-to coffee shop and we eat it outside on a hill. It's a little windy and you offer me your hat. We chase each other through the museum gardens and go see an indie film which we half pay attention to.
  5. You take me to a record store and let me pick a record. We look at their Sufjan bin, but I have all the albums they have. I ask you to pick something I don't know yet, which takes a while; we have a lot in common. You end up finding one you're excited about and we go home and listen to it. I like it! You leave and we plan to switch roles next time.
  6. I take you for coffee. You get a "Tall Pike Place, No Room." We chat and laugh for hours until the worker comes over with their mop "I'm sorry, we're closing in two minutes." So we go to another restaurant that serves coffee and is open late. We call it a night when they're closing but with all that caffeine we are texting all night. Mostly gifs.
  7. We watch 4 seasons of The Office and then I turn to you and say, "I should probably go." You ask if I wanna watch more next week and I say yes.
  8. You take me to an aquarium and know a lot more about fish than I thought you would. We grab a tasty panini and fries lunch at your hole-in-a-wall favorite spot and then get ice cream, I get a milkshake. We give a little hug at the end and I thank you for the date.
  9. You take me to a local brew house and we sample beers. We find out we're both light-weights and piss off our tour guide who's just jealous he's not having as much fun as we are. We go do splatter paint in the park nearby and feel super millennial and cultured.
  10. We successfully rob The Disney Store to feel badass and donate the loot of Frozen figurines to a homeless shelter. We go get Dairy Queen at the other side of the mall cuz "IDGAF." We both flirt with the DQ workers and then we're arrested for shoplifting. The DQ workers bail us out and we both marry our respective ice cream salesman/woman.
  11. You take me to a movie and buy me popcorn. You even let them up-sell you to extra butter. You make some cute-funny jokes about how much the extra butter cost without it coming across as an annoyance or complaint. The movie is good and will probably receive a couple nominations during award season. You try to kiss me goodnight and I slap you.
  12. We get dinner at a nice restaurant I've never heard of. You offer what you've had before and whether you liked it. We get an appetizer. As we share the last appetizer we start talking about One Direction. We pay the check early and take our meals to go. I go home and call Niall, you go home and call Liam. We each get back together with our exes.