LOLOLOL Y'ALL.

  1. I know y'all been following my poor health closely.
  2. It's nothing serious.
  3. Mostly over-dramatic, like me.
  4. @marymurphy and I are like that bitch "Phoebe, we met at the gallery, Phoebe?" from 30 Rock with Avian Bird Syndrome "(my bones)" - our immune systems are so jank you like, touch us, and we like, wince, and we catch a fever.
  5. Well I've had strep and "impressive tonsillitis" multiple times the last 6 months.
  6. And everyone's like "Michael, when are you just gonna get your tonsils out?" and it's on ME.
  7. Along the way I got a shot in the butt.
  8. It almost made me pass out.
  9. Like REAL close.
  10. Not my first close call passing out at the doctor. Not my first rodeo.
  11. Oh and I've passed out there too. Numerous times.
  12. Things that have made me pass out or almost pass out at the doctor's office:
  13. 1. Needles
  14. 2. Stress, fasting, & a chest X-ray.
  15. 3. More needles.
  16. 4. Taking blood.
  17. 5. Needles again like multiple times.
  18. WELL WE GOT A NEW ONE FOR THE LIST!!!
  19. Today I went to see an Ear Nose & Throat specialist.
  20. Like, to chat.
  21. About my tonsils.
  22. All was well, we were chatting, he was laughing, I was laughing, we were pals-ing it up pretty hard.
  23. When he was like ya so this surgery is happening. You gotta take those puppies out.
  24. And like, I was like, yea, okay, I mean I feel like we just met and this is moving pretty fast but okay, do your schhchpiel.
  25. So he starts the obligatory pre-surgery talk about all the risks of mortality, morbidity (pain and recovery), casual things like stats of deaths and throat bleeding and dehydration.
  26. Cool, whatever.
  27. Well he explained how rare it all is and when people who do the whole throat-bleeding thing bleed and why that means ya gotta do a juice cleanse for 10 FECKING days and not go to work and shit...
  28. And like...
  29. Oh idk, he probably just said the word "blood" and "pain" like 3 times too many?
  30. Like I ain't kinky for it.
  31. So like the mind games start.
  32. Oh, oh god.
  33. Is it warm in here?
  34. Hmm. This is the same view from the same building when I'd pass out getting Novocain shots in my toes in order to clip ingrown toenails...!
  35. MICHAEL.
  36. So then I asked to lay down and we reclined my chair and I kinda just like doped myself out with happy thoughts while the doctor wrapped things up with a quick kinda come-and-go version and we exchanged knowing looks like we'd never speak of this again, either of us.
  37. LOLOLOL Y'ALL.
  38. I was so close to passing out.