MY PARTY TRICKS

Inspired by @joemurphy
  1. Small Talk, maybe?
    If you come talk to me first, THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT, YOU COME UP TO ME, I could talk to literally a wall for hours, you'll just have to turn me toward someone else or tell me when to stop when you're done.
  2. Double-Tapping Suggestions for ➕ Lists on the List App
    Ooooh pretty!!! But I must BEWARE!! If I do this at a party of List App aficionados I will be shamed and lonely next to the spoiling Buffalo Chicken Dip for the rest of the party eating plain Tostidos until my tongue can't take the salt anymore and I sneak out the bathroom window hoping they'll wonder where I've gone in an hour or less.
  3. Really good at laughing.
    Don't matter how DUMB your friend's jocky new bf's sports humor is, I can "Streep" that shit. This works well for mildly acclimating at a one-off social setting, but if I need to make a connection with these people... SOMEONE BETTER COME TALK TO ME!!! I can not stress this enough! Things are about to get weird...
  4. "I used to be able to do the splits..."
    This is when I need friends around me to say "Michael, no. Hoe, don't do it." before those vulture party guests say "Michael, yes! Hoe, do it!!" I've never ripped my pants, but in 4th grade I was trying to fit in with my cousin's high school friends and cut my heel open doing a kartwheel into a rod-iron chair on the patio.
  5. "You know how they say you can't lick your own elbow?"
    "... Well neither can I, but, like... Close!!" *facepalm*
  6. "Oh you like Harry Potter?! Me and my frien..."
    This instantly turns into a competition to prove I'm a "bigger fan" than them - it's like it's fucking mating season and I think this is my prettiest tail-feather, when in reality, literally NO ONE cares as much as I do. Probably cause I AM the biggest fan in town. HUH??? WHAT'S THAT I HEAR??? A CHALLENGE??? (I told you this was gonna get weird).
  7. "Yea!... What kinda music do you like?..."
    Well, this could work really well or not at all. We'll either be here a very short time and it could go either way or we'll be here hours and it could go either way.
  8. 7th Inning Stretch
    Is this a baseball game? Did someone mention stretching? Well, I have 15-20 minutes worth of little kid stretches I'd lead for my 3-5 year old tumbling classes that I've actually pulled out in public group settings, to mixed reactions.
  9. My dance moves
    It works or it doesn't, it could be the tides or maybe it's just you, I'm pretty sure I'm fabulous though.
  10. "Oh! You went to...?!" (Schools)
    This never goes fucking anywhere, but I follow this social small talk cliche every time like a bleating baby goat.